Baby O,
Went in for your wellness exam on your two month birthday a couple days ago. Your little cheeks are plumping up and your thighs are looking so tasty we’ve dubbed them buffalo chicken wings…I thought for sure you were packing on the pounds. But when we put you on the scale I was crushed to see you haven’t made it passed 6 lbs yet. Guilty tears immediately sprung to my eyes as it occured to me that I’m not providing the breastmilk you need to grow healthy and strong.
I’m an educated woman, I know breast is best. I knew breastfeeding would be difficult from what I read. And yet I really had no idea how physically and emotionally demanding it would be. When things don’t go according to plan it’s a natural reaction for me to take it to that negative place, as in “If I had a better diet, if I was a younger mom (as your pediatrician tried to delicately put it ‘sometimes, moms of a certain age…aren’t able to produce a sufficient supply’) I could give you what you need.” Olive, I hope you don’t inherit this trait from me. It is not productive and I think it might even make things worse, whipping up even more anxiety and self doubt to wade through. Sometimes we just need to move forward with Plan B and not look back.
What we are doing to help you thrive is giving you more formula. I ache to give you the very best, and it’s always my intention to do so but it looks like we’ll have to rely on store bought nourishment. I’ll just have to double up on the love and cuddles to compensate.
